what a day

Assalamualaikum wbt.

i was once told, 'tulis tapi takde orang baca, rugilah ummah..'

kalau bermanfaat, yes rugilah ummah.
kalau banyak mengarut, hmm terselamatlah ummah.

been thinking thoroughly throughout the day about the statement. so here it is, im gonna share about today.

this morning, i woke up to a sad news that my aunt has passed away. and the first thing came out from my mouth was, 'huh?'. then i came to realize that i hadnt even recite doa bangun tidur; of which if the dua is reflected upon, should be a reminder of how powerful Allah is, and He controls everything.

and alhamdulillah, for every breath.

my two precious grannies passed away when i was in uk. so ive never been to a funeral before. and this is my first time....

...so there i was, seeing my aunt wrapped in a shroud, not breathing. the moment atuk untied the shroud, he shivered and broke into tears. it broke my heart seeing him crying. but hes a strong man, he even led the solat jenazah.

i was standing right in front of the corpse, when they buried it. one day, itll be my turn. no one can ever guarantee that i'll live another day, or even next second. but, what if Allah takes all my loved ones from me, before its even my turn? will i be able to cope. and if they do leave first, i wouldnt want to see them again in the place no one has ever dreamt to be in. i want to see all of them in jannah.

thinking of it, i guess my fear is losing. losing people i love.

then, the talkin, reminded me of the questions thatll be asked. irony, how can you know all the questions beforehand but you still cant answer them. your deeds speak for you. how you live your life speaks for you.

and how do i live mine?

hmm what a day.