Our car broke down. We're just about to go to the prayer hall n iktikaf there. Great, allah has better plans for sure. Wesupposed to help delivering iftar meals there, but we couldn't. Instead, allah showed me, my husband isn't well. Yes, isn't.
Thursday 25-26 ramadhan
Mr husband tried to claim a breakdown cover that we thought we bought. But hmm, we actually didn't. His two friends came to help, but neither knew whats wrong w the car. One said that the car battery's still in good condition, so he reckoned that we refill the fuel tank manually, just in case the fuel metre didn't function the way it should. Well, no harm trying.
As i needed to dry up our clothes at the uni, why not refill a bottle with fuel at the same time so that we can fill the car's tank later? We didnt haveany other options but to walk. Easy peasy, i thought. Little did i knew, not for my husband.
As we walked that evening, i realised he always lost his balance when walking, he sometimes had difficulties in speech, he trembled when he's tryna hold something and he fell down the stairs twice. Which, made me cried that instant. I dont usually cry in public, but that moment i didnt give a damn about who's watching. broke into tears like so bad.
I dont wanna lose anyone, not my husband.
I remember seeing him losing balance before, to the extent where i'm so afraid leaving him alone, not even in the toilet. Such fear, made me decided to accompany him to the uni the next day. What should i say? He wouldn't let me if it's just for his sake. Instead, i told him that i need to buy things in tesco (near uni), but honestly, I didn't have anything in mind.
Friday 26-27 ramadhan
Walking to uni was hard for him. But that didn't just end there. After jumuah prayer, he said he felt very dizzy, so we decided to go to the uni nhs to try our luck to walk in, seeing a doctor regarding his health. The doctor that we'd seen said nothing serious about his health, perhaps the symptoms came from his ears, causing imbalance. Perhaps. He prescribed few meds to be consumed. But when my husband consumed the meds, he seemed like he couldn't even walk. The journey from tesco to the prayer hall took ages, and seeing him, i burst into tears even more. What kind of wife i am? I should be his source of strengths, but I wasn't.
That guy, who, when i cried that day and moment, recited a verse, mujadalah: 1 to me.
Mujadalah, a surah that i was trying hard to memorize, a surah that first memorized with my dear husband. That same verse, he also recited when he found it hard to pujuk me when i merajuk. I melted, he didn't know. He'll know after this post. So what, i love him. There, I've said it.
We decided to iktikaf at the prayer hall as it's the 27th night. It started with iftar, followed by tarawikh. Tarawikh imam recited, arrahman. Fabiaayyi aalaai robbi kuma tukazziban..... After all that He gave and gives, cant you see nsmg? One of my favourite ayah in arrahman is the 70th verse, which is why my skypename was followed by 5570 number. And the imam reminded me of this ayah... I wanna be one of the women mentioned. That day, the tarawikh were very meaningful to me. I told Allah everything though i knew He already knew as He's watching and listening all the time. He knew. But i wanna tell Him everything.
Thinking of my husband's condition, made me think twice about staying for the night. I wanna see him right in front of me, and make sure He's alright. But one thing held me back. Allah above all and it was the night where I should seek refuge in Him and seek His help. La hawla wala quwwata illa billah.
O Allah, please teach and train me to be optimist with what You have for me in the future. And o Allah, the Most Gracious, please reward my husband abundantly, give him the highest jannah for his patience in dealing w me. I beg You.
And readers, if you happen to read this, please make duas for us. I don't usually write about my life this open, but today, i hope that i can get you readers to pray for his wellbeing as well. Thank you.
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